Tom Cruise is an alien.

More precisely, he's a Thetan. He's an immortal being trapped on this world in a prison of MEST (Matter, Energy, Space, and Time). Seriously.

He's lucky he found the teachings of Scientology though, otherwise he'd never even realize he was immortal. And that would just suck. With the help of auditors around the world, Cruise is able to gradually unlock the painful memories trapped inside his "reactive" mind (called engrams). He needs to use an E-Meter to do it though, a highly-sophisticated lie-detector that measures changes in the body's state.

As he progresses, he will leave behind the reactive mind characteristic of trapped Thetans and begin to see the wisdom of ages contained within his "analytical" mind. When he is fully free, he'll be 'clear' of MEST and fully enlightened.

But Tom Cruise isn't alone. Besides all the normal folk out there realizing their true form through Scientology, celebrities like John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Priscilla Presley, and a host of others have hopped on too.

Good thing they're celebrities though, 'cause Scientology don't come cheap. That's because you have to pay to be audited, pay to take courses, and pay to be enlightened. I suppose that's a small price to pay for leaving the prison of humanity and realizing you're an immortal Thetan. Here's a list I obtained from a pamphlet on Scientology and Dianetics (the 'science' behind it):

FLAG SPIRITUAL COUNSELLING SERVICES
12 1/2 hours Regular and Confessional Auditing 8,000
Purification Rundown 2,662
5 hours Clear Certainty Rundown 3,200
12 1/2 hours Clear Certainty Rundown 8,000
Sunshine Rundown 1,300
New Hubbard Solo Auditor Course, Part I 2,900
New Hubbard Solo Auditor Course, Part II 1,900
New Operating Thetan I 2,000
Operating Thetan II 3,900
Operating Thetan III 6,500
New OT IV OT Drug Rundown (per 12 1/2 hours) 9,000
New OT Audited NOTs (per 12 1/2 hours) 10,200
New OT VI Hubbard Solo NOTs Auditing Course 11,000
New OT VII Solo NOTs Auditing 3,000
plus 6 month segments for Case/Supervising 1,400
Power (Grades V and VA) Processing 15,300
Grade VI 3,700
Clearing Course 5,300
Introspection Rundown 16,000
New Vitality Rundown 13,800
Case Cracker Review 10,000
Student Booster Rundown 10,000
Doctorate Series Course for OTs 6,800
End of Endless OT III Rundown 3,980
L 10, L 11, L 12 Rundowns 12,500

(Note: Each L requires a minimum of 25 hours.)

I don't even know what half of it means, the pamphlet doesn't explain anything. What I do know, however, is that Tom Cruise is definitely nuts.