Astronomy is for losers

Neptune, Pluto... Xena and Gabrielle?
The above story chronicles the possibility of a moon orbiting around a newly discovered planet in our solar system. Now, I was under the impression that astronomy and all things to do with space exploration were pretty intense fields of research. I thought that the people doing such research were of a particularly intelligent sort. Yeah, I was wrong. Astronomy is filled with losers.
Here's what one affection-deprived member of the California Institute of Technology said regarding the find:

"Having a moon is just inherently cool -- and it is something that most self-respecting planets have, so it is good to see that this one does too."

First question: why are moons "cool"? Second question: how is a planet "self-respecting"?

Let's just forget those and continue. Let's pretend that the person they interviewed was an anomoly, a loser among geniuses; a rough among diamonds. What's this? They named the moon "Gabrielle"? I wonder how smart science-folk decided on a name like that? The Greeks named the remaining planets in honour of the gods they worshipped. Gabrielle and Xena must be important astronomical phenomena, crazy-cool mathematical formulations, or the names of ground-breaking scientists, right? Right?

Gabrielle was the name of the sidekick and pal in the former television series, Xena: Warrior Princess.

If there's any intelligent life in this great cosmos, it certainly isn't found on the planet Earth.